Phone Gunk Commercial/Skit
Setting: Portland, Oregon Characters: Margaret- A sixteen-year old Terry- Margaret’s friend Angela-Terry’s mother Nurse Mr. Gunka-Lunka Backup Singers Notes: The italicized text located next to the Backup Singers indicate that their speech is being sung. Statistics from CreateRealImpact.com. Portland General Hospital, Portland, Oregon, Monday evening, 9 pm Margaret, Angela, and the Nurse are gathered around Terry’s bed Margaret: (Voice shaking with sobs) Oh, Terry, I am so so sorry. Terry: (Moans) Me too. Angela: Margaret, dear, you must learn how to stay focused while you’re driving. Terry could’ve died! Margaret: (Whines) I know. Nurse: It’s a good thing he didn’t. Terry only has two fractured legs, but he should be feeling better in about three months. Margaret: Ugh, I’m such an idiot! What was I thinking, taking selfies while I was driving? (Grasps Terry’s hand; her voice is breaking) Terry, I could’ve lost you tonight because of my stupidity! Terry: But you didn’t. Margaret: (Tears trickling down her face) Yeah, but now you have to spend three months in the hospital and miss out on school and sports because of me. Terry: It’s okay. Well, it’s not okay okay. It does suck that I’m stuck here, but I forgive ya. Margaret: (Sniffles, then wipes her eyes) Thanks. From now on, no more distracted driving for me! I am going to be alert and responsible! Angela: That’s the spirit, Margaret! Terry: Woo hoo! Nurse: Good for you! Margaret: Only, it’s not going to be easy. I am madly addicted to my phone. It’s so hard to resist the liking, the tweeting, the texting, the selfie-ing. Gah! What do I do?! Mr. Gunka-Lunka: (From inside the medical cabinet) Psst! Gunk it! Margaret: (Looks around) Who said that? Angela: Not me. Nurse: Not me. Terry shakes his head. Mr. Gunka-Lunka: I said, gunk it! Margaret: Okay, now things are getting weird around here. Mr. Gunka-Lunka pops out from the medical cabinet. Margaret: Correction: Now things are getting weird. Nurse: Who are you and why were you inside the cabinet? Mr. Gunka-Lunka: (Puts out hand for Nurse to shake) Why, I’m Robert J. Gunka-Lunka. And why I was in the cabinet, you ask? Umm, I don’t know. Strange things just happen for strange reasons. The Backup Singers climb out of the cabinet. They are wearing sparkly red dresses, white shrugs, and red heels. Backup Singers: Life can be a mystery. Terry: (Wide-eyed and smiling) Woah! Am I dreaming? Angela: Nope, I don’t think so. Your unlucky day just turned into your lucky day. Margaret: (to Mr. Gunka-Lunka) So, why are you here? That’s a mystery I would like to solve. Mr. Gunka-Lunka: I heard you have trouble staying off your phone, girlie. Margaret: Dude, it’s not cool to eavesdrop! Mr. Gunka-Lunka: Keep your panties on, girlie. I am here to help you. My product, Phone Gunk, will guarantee that you will never be distracted from driving again! Girls, take it away! Backup Singers: (Singing and dancing simultaneously) Phone Gunk, Phone Gunk, stop distracted driving with Phone Gunk (One of them) You know what’s sad? (Rest of the singers) Oh, please tell us, that would be rad! (The one singer) About eleven teenagers die every day in car collisions. (Rest of the singers) Oh, no! (The one singer) And at least 1 in 4 of these collisions are caused by phone use. (Rest of the singers) What a darn shame! But don’t despair, cuz those numbers can be decreased. With Phone Gunk, Phone Gunk. Fake snot for your phone, so you won’t touch it! It’s $30 a pack! Everyone buys Phone Gunk. Lights out.