I wonder. Looking down at her grave, those soft, white lilies that lay upon her casket made of rich mahogany, I wonder what it would be like if she were here today, if she had just put that phone down. I can see her smile in my head, and I wonder if she’d be smiling right now. Would she be embraced by her parents, all of them laughing and exclaiming with pure and utter joy? Would she be studying for that chemistry test she was worried so much about? I wonder what her future would have been like. She was only 18, and had so much to live for. Would she have married Andrew, her boyfriend of over a year? Would they have had kids, like she always said she wanted? Two boys, named Steven and Clark, and a baby girl, named Delilah, who their boys cherished and cared for, regardless of their age difference. I wonder if she would have pursued law, like she had planned. She’d already received the scholarship; would she have liked being a lawyer? I wonder what she was doing in that very instant. Was she texting her boyfriend about their plans for that night? Or was she checking her email to see if she’d gotten a callback for a job interview? I wonder how long she was looking down before that truck cut in front of her, hitting the driver’s side of the car, and she no longer felt the breath that was pumping her chest. I wonder if it had been me. If I’d been in the car, would I have checked my phone too? Would she miss me if I was gone, the way I miss her right now? If I had been with her, would I have told her to put her phone down? Or would I have let it slide, because I didn’t think anything would happen, just like everyone thinks. I wonder if my family would miss me the way they miss her, the way they’ll miss her for the rest of their lives. I wonder.
Don’t you wonder what would have happened if…?