No Peace as I Rest
Standing above them hurt. Watching the tears of my loved ones fall onto the floor, the whimpering of my children, and the mourning in the air overwhelmed me. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…” was all I could listen to before I muted out the noise. “…the choices we make impact the consequences to come…” slipped into my ears, and stabbed my heart repeatedly. The choice we make impact the consequences to come, impact the amount of tears on the floor, the whimpers of children, and the mourning in the air. They impact those we love. “…she has taught us a valuable lesson: pay attention to your surroundings, pay attention to the road, the lights…drive as if your life was at risk, because it is…” No. I didn’t pick up the phone. I didn’t run a red light. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t think my mind was in another place, in another world, anywhere but where it needed to be. I didn’t know I would swerve to my death as I avoided the car heading in my direction. I am dead. I am gone. I am haunted. Why is it that I am the one who is gone, yet I am being haunted? Haunted by my choices, haunted by the consequences, haunted by my guilt. “We will all be reunited one day, but until then, she lives in our hearts…” One day I’ll see them again, I’ll hold them again, I’ll be with them again. But until then, I will watch the tears, hear the whimpers, and feel the mourning that I have caused.