It Hurts

Tracy N

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God, it hurts, It hurts so much. How can I make this pain stop? Please, how can I make this stop? This grief pooling up in my stomach, Why did this happen to me? I don’t want to live like this anymore! The pain, Oh god the pain, Serves as the constant reminder that I’m alive, perfectly alive. I shouldn’t be alive. Why wasn’t it me that was hit by the car? Why did that little kid have to die? Why why why why why?! How can I live like this? My heart is squeezing so tight it’s going to burst any minute. The oxygen isn’t going to my brain no matter how much I breathe. I can’t—I just can’t— I want to die, I need to die, Get me out of this reality! Knock knock No! Please, don’t enter! I swear, I cannot, I cannot Bear to look at any of you! Please go, please leave me alone, I’m sorry, I am so so sorry, It’s all my fault, I know it is— I understand my mistakes! So don’t look at me like that— Don’t yell at me like that— Don’t cry in front of me like that— Don’t make me feel more guilty than I already am! I know I should’ve turned off my phone! I know I should’ve paid attention to the road! I know I should’ve turned down the music! I know I should’ve followed the speeding limit! I know I know I know! But it’s too late now, you know? So please, I beg of you, No matter how painful, no matter how long, No matter how torturous, no matter how cruel, Give me a chance to atone for my sins.